The Hangover part 4. Johnston Edition.

So a stay at home mom of 7, a recently returned from long business trip dad, an 11 year old, a 17 year old that's been clinically diagnosed with senioritis, a hungover middle child, a 6 year old, and a 12 year old that's taller than all of them walk into a bar.... Or an apple orchard (choose your own adventure). With my head feeling like a ton of bricks fell on it, we all piled into the mini van rocking the stick figure stickers on the back window for a Sunday afternoon of family bonding. My 6 year old nephew, little brother and sister in the back, and the hungover middle child and hormonal teenager in the middle seats. the kids were getting rambunctious behind me which, if you've ever had a hangover is not the best cure. instead of being a normal person and asking them to quiet down, I began singing soft kitty (credit to Sheldon Cooper) and surprisingly it worked, and they were calm the rest of the ride.

There may or may not have been some old school Britney Spears kareoke between here and the orchard, but that's a story for a different time. 

So we take a tractor ride out...and I mean OUT. As in, I thought our long haired dred locked stoner looking dirty flannel wearing driver was taking us far out to axe murder us but I think we scared him enough with our craziness and so a 200 mile tractor ride later, he dumped us off at a nice picking spot. 

With all of us, it took no time to pick 2 bushels. When the Johnston's go apple picking, the real process it the traditional picture taking. 2 pictures need to be taken...One of the kids, one of the rents. However, it always manages to turn into this 20 minute fiasco that only the Johnstons can create, get through, and still come out with 2 decent pictures in a set of about 50 attempts. 

This, as you may guess, is one of our failed attempts. However, I like it. Mom says it looks like an Album cover. I name the band Angry Orchard. (I swear I'm not an alcoholic). These are the faces you get when you try to teach your parents how to use the camera on an iPhone. Mom and Dad are soo incredibly talented in the parenting department, but hand them an iPhone and they're as confused and lost as the United States congress running  country. But, in the end we finally got one 

Success! (same cannot be said for the US congress). And the 2 that handle the madness, 

At this point, Savannah was going through the picture Dad tried taking on her iPod, when she discovered that all the pictures he got, she was either cut out, or blocked by the tree branch. I wish I had access to the many many many attempts to get a good picture of us on her iPod. There was a lot of "Can everyone just smile please?!"   "No, look at the camera..."  "Oops, I blinked."  "Sorry, I was trying to smile like daddy does.."   "Steve...get out of the kids picture"       

But hey, we finally got it done. 

So we got our apples, and our pictures but apparently the tractor only goes one way..So far far away from our family van with 2 heavy bags of apples, we began our trek through the wet grass. Without going into detail about why I'm asking this question, Why do pre-teen boys (actually....all boys) find so much joy in peeing outside? Like, is it the thrill of finding the right bush? the suspense of hoping no one sees you? WHAT IS IT?! anyways, Chandler disappears for a couple minutes....again, (choose your own adventure). So we're almost to the car, but it can't be that easy...can it? did we make it back? oh wait...nope...after hearing some excitement behind me, dad and I turn around to see about a half bushel of apples scattered on the ground by Savannah's and Chandler's feet....Quick pause to put them back in the bag. Now we start heading forward again. And finally, as promised, we got through the chaos and piled back into the van, and headed home. 

The one-liner of the trip: We're in line to buy our bags for the apples and there is a young mom with her toddler in a stroller. She gave the toddler one of those little gourds they sell in the fall and my dad without skipping a beat, "Is his name Gourd-on (Gordon)?"   -Steve Johnston