Life in the Middle: Potty Talk

Since there is so much material to cover, I think I start off with a helpful guide so those who are unfamiliar can keep track of the stars of the blog.

Valerie Johnston- Mom- gave birth to most of us

Steven Johnston- Dad- The mustache with a face attached to it

Child #1 -Travis Gibson- The eldest sibling, Fireman, proud father of Cameron (5 y.o.) and Natalie (13 y.o.)

Child #2- Andrew Johnston- Funny fireman brother that lives around the corner

Child #3- Allison Johnston- Figure skates, drives a mini cooper, drinks starbucks and saves the Amazon

Child #4- Brianna Johnston- Me, the favorite child.

Child #5- Savannah Johnston- Jealous that I'm the favorite. And also next to graduate.

Child #6- Annika Johnston- 7th grader, taller than everyone, will probably start med school next year.

Child #7- Chandler Johnston- 5th grade,The baby of the family, the funniest child, very difficult to get mad at...

Melissa- Girlfriend to Andrew, basically already like a sister, This blog's #1 Fan, Mother of Morgan.

Morgan- Daughter of Melissa, funny and happy little third grader who makes me laugh daily.

That's the basic rundown. I will print off copies of a handbook if requested.

OK finally,

This blog's material starts with last Monday. It was Senior night for the vollyball team so All but 1 sibling in the list made it to the event to see Savannah in her last high school volly ball game. This was also the same night as my dosage calculations nursing final so so I had to plan strategically of rushing through a test that decided my next 2 semesters, while also getting back to Windham through Portland's rush hour traffic in time for the game. (good news, I got a 92% on the final and passed the class. slight ecstatic but let's get back to the real story). With 5 separate cars, The Johnstons (minus only Allison) were all at the game. pretty impressive to get that many of us in 1 place, when that place isn't a funeral or a wedding.

Within just a few minutes of my arrival, there was an aroma in the air...it was like a cloud took over the whole section that we took up. It made you feel a little light headed. A little caught up in your throat. The foul smell could have deflated the volly ball with it's power. But where did it come from? What caused even Chandler's hair to curl? Non other than a fart. from the one and only Andrew. The deadly fog left eventually and so we start watching the match again.

*Flashback* When a family member is a senior in high school, it is only natural to think of anything embarrassing they might have done in their lifetime. In this case, it was something that was very cute at the time. See, When Savannah was little she used to wrap a blanket around her like a cape, and jump off of any surface she could find yelling "Super Sana!" (she couldn't pronounce her name yet)

It was now that Savannah's team rotated and she was now the server. I HAD to send her some good luck so I yelled "SUPER SANA!!!" and BAM they scored a point. Her serve again, I yelled "SUPER SANA!!!" and again, another point. third serve, "SUPER SANA!" and a third point...Travis sat next to me laughing his ass off.. I explained to Melissa what was going on, and we all chanted it, however there was no point after this one. Something about me chanting it brought some good luck.

Not too long after, another high pressure system pushed through the air, and Andrew sat with another guilty face...

When we were younger, it was me, allison, andrew and a baby savannah on a 5 hour car ride up to Houlton Maine. Thanksgiving and Christmas time with our grandparents, aunts uncles and cousins. On these car rides we had a few rhymes for whenever one of us "tooted" (because fart was an "inappropriate word) "Cruisin down the highway goin' 67. Andrew ripped a big one that blew us up to heaven!"

These were great.

"Rollin' down the highway goin' 64. Allison ripped a big one that blew us out the door!"

Between playing Mad Libs, and Jimmy Buffet kareoke, we were a stinkin hoot.

Back to the modern day stinkers though this next rip was like a skunk crawled in his pants, smoked a bowl of pot, ate some beans, ate some taco bell, puked it out and died. I had never witnessed a miracle until that night when the whole gymnasium survived the Fart Storm of '13. With some excitement going on in our section, I couldn't hear the whole conversation between Andrew and Melissa, but thankfully I heard this line:

"Your spewing toxic waste from your asshole and I'M the one making a scene?" -Melissa.

Savannah's team won the game, and we all went home an sanitized.

On the topic of farts, Travis, myself, Savannah, Travis's GF Catrina, Cameron and Chandler were sitting around having dinner. Travis felt and urge, and promted Cameron to pull his finger and as the classic joke goes, let out a poot. Cameron, (like father, like son) put his finger out, Travis pulled and then I saw Cam's eyes get as wide as they have ever been as he jumped off the stool and ran down the hall yelling "THAT'S NOT A FART, THAT'S NOT A FART!" and the bathroom door shut and all was taken care of.

I told mom the story a couple days later and we laughed and then Chandler, with a grin on his face said "That's my boy!"

It's been a busy couple weeks with Halloween and the World Series. I hate the Red Sox, like...a lot..but the Cardinals knocked out my second choice of the Dodgers so I wasn't rooting for either team, but not rooting against either team as I just have a passion for the sport and will watch the world seires no matter what. I'm living in a house of red sox fans though....Dad and I had a beer and nachos with every world series game and took turns making fun of Tim mcCarver and Joe Buck. Dad says he doesn't mind Joe buck. but he kinda looks like he see the same plastic surgeon as Bruce Jenner if you know what I mean. In a cheesy way, it was the best world series I've ever watched. These are my favorite memories with my dad, and even if it was his team and not mine, and was pretty cool to bond over the plays, the homeruns and the history of the game. Game 6, I rushed home from work to catch the rest of the game. Dad got me a beer and he was on his laptop. Now as he might work with computers day in and day out, Facebook is and always will be his Achilles heel. He will go on once in awhile. He posted a status after the red sox 6-0 lead saying:

Which is where this stemmed from...

And then as if that wasn't enough...

Dad wanted to change his profile picture, so he asked for my help. His laptop started freezing so I told him to log in on my computer. He was using a wireless mouse on his computer, you know the ones where you plug the stick into the USB? well he was I think a half beer too deep or too excited about the game when he got frustrated because he thought the mouse stopped working....no dad it's plugged into YOUR computer.. he threw his hands up like 'I give up' and we eventually got his profile picture to what he wanted...

We even agreed on something about baseball for once in that Jim Joyce got that obstruction call right. I love post season drama like that. Although I was ok with Boston winning for my dad's sake, I'm back to that Yankee pride and hating those dirty beards with all my heart.

And now all the Halloween fun! My mom gets ALL the credit for my costume as I was at school all day.