Excitingly Medicore

Life in the middle is excitingly mediocre as ever. I really think my family is cut out for a reality TV show. Why do they make a bunch of episodes about rich families? The Kardashians? why. that shit isn't interesting. Everything they do is old news. The Bruce and Kris divorce marks the FIFTH in the immediate family. Granted my math is correct. My family is happy, temperamental, mental, hectic, laid back, ridiculous, fantastic, and all over the place. This new show, #rich kids of Beverly Hills. what. the. actual, f***. Number 1, it has a hashtag at the beginning of the title. That is what our generation has come to. If it doesn't have a hashtag before its name, it doesn't exist. 

Their voices make me want to go all Van Gough on my ear. But that's enough on that subject, I was merely trying to get the point across that my family would make for great reality TV. 

Let's start off this Johnston update from the middle child perspective with a round of applause for the middle school production of Aladdin. The Johnston's own child #6 (that's number 6, not hashtag 6) She was part of the ensemble. She danced and sang with the rest and they all looked absolutely fantastic. Everyone goes through an awkward stage in middle school. And if you claim that you didn't, I don't trust you. These kids though....They were fantastic. 

In other news, it's cold outside. In case you didn't know that already. What's more annoying though? people complaining about the cold, or people freaking a shit about global warming. "It's happening, it's not happening, we're to blame, blah blah blah it's Obama's fault." Shut. the F. up. Yeah we can go green but unless you're the green giant, calm your tits, or your junk or however you want to say the phrase, and get over it until June. Embrace the extra cuddles you get from your loved one, or if you're single like myself, cuddle with your dog and sleep with a heating pad. And also, find away to laugh about it. 

Let's shift gears to parenting. My parents are great. Hands down. They are the cliche, prime example of those parents you see on sitcoms. (Jennifer Lawrence tid bit time) look at the Bill Engvall show where America's sweet heart started her career. Most of the time, her character looked at her parents like this. 

Like today for example. My mom and I have been taking my car on shopping trips because the heat isn't working in our classic family mini van. It has a remote for unlocking the doors. I explain to my mom to press the unlock button twice. She examines the remote and pushes what she thinks is the correct button..Well that button was the alarm button...but hey! we made it in the car eventually. Steve's turn! I was talking to my parents about twitter and how weird some of things people post are and my dad, who works with computers as a living, but isn't quite caught up with the lingo, and social media hype. responds with "You have to be careful what you post on that tweeter website..." ..yeah will do dad. Oh well. It's still better than the time he asked what twerking was...........................................J-Law, take it away.....

Chandler, your thoughts?

I kind of wish Jimmy Fallon did a segment titled "Twerking with Parents" where parents try to understand twerking, or their faces when their kids explain it. Send in your home videos and America will vote for the best awkward parent moment.

My mom, like most moms is my biggest fan. I might never get to write comedy movies, or have a great book, or work with Jennifer Lawrence or Leonardo DiCaprio despite all of that being my ultimate dream. BUT my mom loves my work and that's all that matters. I say what comes to my head and sometimes it leads to bursts of laughter from mom in public. So we're in target today and I went into the bathroom. Public bathrooms by the way, have magic mirrors. they show EVERY flaw on your face. I'm too lazy to wear make up every day. sorry, not sorry. I'm confident enough with my face that I don't always need to cover everything just to run a few errands. Confidence is sexy ladies. And it's cheaper... anyways, so I noticed that I'm due for a spa day per say...I need some facial peach fuzz removed. I don't even care that I'm putting this on the interweb. You can say it's gross and whatnot but on the today show, Brooke Shields even said she maintains it too. ANYWAYS. The way I described it to my mom is that I feel like my sub-nasal region is starting to look like a Mexican pornstar's crustache. No need to worry though fellas. Every girl gets it. The lighting in Target just made mine prominent enough for me to realize that I probably shouldn't be allowed any playgrounds or little kids for that matter until I get on that.........Sometimes I wonder why I'm single and then I remember that I share things like this.....

We move on to Wal Mart. First off. If your kids are misbehaved. Don't bring them to wal mart. Second, if you feed your kids junk, and then take them shopping. don't be surprised that they are mis behaving! Your cart is filled with enough sugar filled substances to kill an oompa loompa and your kids are bouncing off the walls and you wonder why? I'm not even going to talk about the way people dress at wal mart, there is a whole website for that.

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

We were looking for things for Child #7's birthday which is on Sunday. We had passed a few pinatas throughout the day, and my mom was debating on getting one with each one we passed along our adventure. "How much is that on?" thinks about, and then moves on with a 'maybe' face on. then I found this adorable photobooth kit. it had Big smiley face masks, and glasses, and goofy things to put on for like an old school photo booth. "Awwwh look we could get a photo booth for the party"

To this, my mom looks utterly weirded out. "Why?" she says looking at it like it's the dullest thing on the planet. Naturally I responded in Brianna Fashion
"You think that's weird and annoying but you want to get them something to beat the shit out of and watch candy fall out its ass?"

I though mom was going to pee her pants.
*Sidenote: if reading any of this DID make you pee your pants...

This was a short write up but hey I'm doing the best I can. Chandler's birthday AND the superbowl are on Sunday so I'm sure I will have some pictures and stories to share. stay tuned for more Johnston excitement from the middle child view point, and be sure to follow me on 'tweeter' Briannajohns2 and instagram bjohnston2 and be sure to go back and read the 'Pursuit of Happiness' blog post from a couple weeks ago if the winter blues is still getting you. Stay happy, stay healthy! 

Pursuit of Happiness

It has come to my attention (via facebook, going to wal mart, working in customer service, etc.) that the post holiday depression is really hitting a lot of people. Maybe a few of you will read this, not be effected, maybe some of you aren't reading this and you're missing out. But, sometimes I know that people just need a good laugh or motivational booster to push through the sadness you might be feeling. It's January, it's cold and it's usually a gloomy foggy, dark cloudy day. Such as today...I have some tips, some thoughts, and some random things that hopefully one of them is bound to make someone out there smile.
My goal is to make people happy. An achievement I like to make is making people smile. And my ultimate passion is making people laugh. It's the basis behind my writing, and the reason for if my nursing career doesn't work out I want to be out there making people laugh. What are you goals? do you have any? do you make baby steps? If you're sad, set a goal to be happier. the baby step: to smile every. single. day. I don't mean like "start every day with a smile" just because a quote on a piece of canvas at Target said it. I mean look for things that make you smile. A song, a movie you've seen a million times, talking to someone, or simply going outside. Go on pinterest and go to the humor section. I do this daily. Granted I spend WAY too much time on pinterest, I think it's totally ok because it makes me laugh out loud. If you need some help, check out these faces of Jennifer Lawrence. It's apparent that she's my favorite but hey at least I'm not addicted to crack.
http://pandawhale.com/post/6493/jennifer-lawrence-reaction-gifs

And another  happy picture:

And this is because I have to say this, but appreciate what you have. If you have 4 working limbs, don't have cancer, have never lost a loved one, live in a warm home, with food, working appliances and good company then I guarantee you can get through any 'depression' you're feeling because there are people that go through one or more of those things and they are incredibly happy. Watch Silver Linings Playbook. Better yet READ Silver Linings Playbook. people that say the 'love the movie' but haven't read the book yet irritate me. I have the movie and book but here's the catch, if you want to borrow the movie, you MUST first read the book. that's my policy. You'll see real sadness from a man that finds the 'silver lining' after he completely hit rock bottom.

I myself thought I hit rock bottom. I live in my parents basement, I work in fast food, I'm broke, I've been single my whole life and I haven't found my 'niche' in life. but that's fucking. OK. because I love my family, I love my co workers, my room is still my own space like an apartment but it's smaller and my parents make me dinner, and I love myself that being single doesn't bother me.
S
ide tip- You don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend to make you happy. Don't post on facebook and twitter how single you are, because it translates into how desperate you are. Desperation REEKS of unhappiness. You cut that out and you love yourself and you learn to be happy alone. It will make you a better person, leading you to enter a relationship in the right ways, and you will be a fantastic significant other because you didn't force anything, and you'll be truly honestly happy. trust me. Stop whining about not finding anyone, and WINE the night away with a tall glass of "I'm awesome." Yeah YOU

What else makes you happy? well me personally, I color. I'm 21 years old and I have a dinosaur coloring book and and the crayola ultimate crayon collection which contains 192 crayons, and another box of crayola's finest with 120 crayons. and I'm proud of every page I color. They're bright, and it's a kids coloring book so most of the dinosaurs have friendly faces. However, being 21 means I can have a beer while I color. When I'm not closing at work, this is my favorite thing to do. Color with a beer. Seriously, try it.

What else works? scientifically, working out does. Save up for some nice work out shoes, and get a membership. Working out releases endorphins the natural happy drug. You heard it here first! you don't always need weed to feel good. I'm not dissing weed PS, I'm just saying I'm sick of people being so dependent on it. And that's all I'm saying there. But really go to the gym, or for a run or walk or do some crunches and planks at home. And Trust me, (although it is not scientifically proven) it is SO MUCH better working out in the morning. As the sun is rising. It adds an effect of happiness that the sun gives and you get it out of the way and you're more awake throughout the day, which can help with crankiness. 

Kind of along the lines of working out, if you think you're fat, stop. dwelling. on. it. It's bad for your mood, your self esteem, and everyone you say "I'm fat" to. I don't believe in diets at all. But I do believe in a healthy lifestyle which ALWAYS includes at lease some junk food. I swear a colorfully decorated cake, colors you on the inside making you happy. With that said, EAT. THE. F***ING CAKE. If you need inspiration, this is me somewhat recently.. 

If you're upset because of what other people say about your body or looks...

So basically.....

If you live near me and need a workout buddy, seriously reach out to me. I have a membership and if I'm not working, I'd love to go with anyone. Especially if you need the motivation. You got me. 

Another tip! this one confuses people but hear me out...

Have. Bad. Days. If you're having a bad day, it can last no longer than 24 hours. "24 hours sounds like a long time" well you know what Mr. Skeptic? it's a while hour shorter than 25 hours long. (side tip- look at the bright side) Anyways, bad days happen. You can't stop them. Your friends will get mad at you, you'll fight with your siblings, your boss will get mad at you, you will mess up, it will rain, it will pour, it will be cold, your car will break down, you will run out of money, you will get lonely, you will get hurt (emotionally and physically), you will fail a test, you will stub your toe, you will cry.  It happens, and the way I see it, it makes good days seem even greater. Think of the worst day of your life. If you're like me and can't think of one specific day, then you're doing alright. I've thought of some bad times, but nothing that ruined my life. I've lost loved ones and I remember those days of getting the news, but with support you move on. With laughter and smiling you get through it. So have bad days. Forget your lunch and your coffee at home. You will survive, and you will be stronger. 

If you're still stumped and unhappy. It's ok. Because now you know that there is a blogger somewhere that genuinely hopes you smile from some piece of this, and you gain some insight. If not, then I assume you're missing all 4 limbs, blind, have no friends or family left and have never smelled bacon or eaten a cupcake. But no seriously, I hope you find what you're looking for because it's out there. I promise you, you will find a hobby, a job, a favorite movie, a favorite actor, a favorite food, and a friend. 

Set goals and don't get disappointed if you don't reach it right away. I'd love to write screen plays and maybe co direct a movie with Jennifer Lawrence but I know that's not going to happen tomorrow and it might not happen ever, but believing that it will happen sometime in the future helps with the motivation. Maybe I will never make it to Hollywood but I have fun writing anyways. 

Now you have to smile about this....The weekend is almost here! (yes I know it's Thursday) But I still hope you have a happy Friday! 

Back to Blogging

It sure has been awhile since my last post, but now that I have the time, and like all real humans I avoid the gym with every excuse I get. So hopefully I get some good feedback and you people enjoy these web posts enough that I can say "Well I'd like to go to the gym, but I need to keep my fans happy" It might be more like "Well I'd like to go to the gym but sitting in a comfy chair with sweatpants and slippers sipping coffee while pinning and watching youtube videos" might be more likely. People that are obsessed with working out freak me out. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the after effects. Like: it makes you happier, healthier, not so lazy the rest of the day, just all around euphoric feeling but come. on. It's smelly, it hurts, and if you wear a hat while you're doing it, you automatically scream "I'm a tool!" (PG-13 version): "I'm a total douchebag!" And yes, I'm still talking about going to the gym....although that description can fit for other extracurricular activities. (PG-13 version): sex.
I was on my way to the gym when I realized I was out of gas and so came back home. "Why not just stop and get gas on the way?" I heard you just ask that in your head while reading this. Well because I don't have money until I get paid tomorrow, and until Chegg gives back my money for keeping their textbooks longer than allowed. But I don't have gas to get to the UPS store, because I don't have money because chegg took my money, until I give them their books back, but I can't give their books back because I don't have gas to get to the UPS store....you see the cycle. I'm looking for my big break in hollywood for writing and then I'll finally have money. BUT if I get my big break, then the 3.5 years I've spent in school would have been a waste, and therefore the money I spent on the textbooks and tuition a waste? life is weird. But for now I'm broke and I'm ok with it.
You know that show '2 broke girls?' why is that a show? Those 2 broke girls recently hosted the People's choice awards and are clearly raking in the big bucks. I think I'm going to take over the show and make it a reality series about me and my sister living in my parents basement. It would follow us around our house. Both in our early 20s, watching the Golden Globes in our parents' kitchen, blogging, watch friends late at night. Because God forbid we get boyfriends or our own places to live. All of this happens by the way while we fight about the bathroom counter's cleanliness (as we share it) PS-stop unplugging my toothbrush, and about maybe having the TV too loud and the other one can't sleep. All the perks of sharing a basement. It's all in good fun, we have our laughs between the typical sister bickering. And watching the Globes with her, (and my other sister) was actually pretty fun. Moral of the story of the REAL 2 Broke Girls- if you're fighting with your sister, just wait it out till the next laugh, and don't stay mad about whatever you're fighting about. (time to get cheesy, sorry not sorry). My sisters and mom are my best friends, My favorite memories will always be family time around the kitchen table and in the midst of bickering, it's pretty refreshing to think of that. So here is my advice, if you find yourself really not getting along with a sibling, wait it out, and think of a bigger picture.
So while I'm broke I'm continuing my work at KFC/Taco Bell. Realistically, it's your typical fast food job. But I oddly enjoy showing up to work when I like the people I work with. I can't wait to move on to bigger and better things, but when I look at it I could have it way worse. I recently won employee of the month and a special pin for doing well on what's kind of like a quiz when the food safety inspector shows up. I get excited for the little things. You have to in an average joe life like this. In my opinion, this life, and getting excited about the little things is WAY better than a big, rich fancy life style. Incase you couldn't tell by my gym rant. Now work isn't always a walk in the park no matter who is working. Society stress me out. I leave work sore, cranky, and exhausted. When people ask me my plans after my work shift, my response can be summed up perfectly right here: 

Ask my coworkers, I get manic. Sometimes in a good way, someones a bad way, depending on my coffee level, all of which gets balanced after work, if you can infer with the help of J Law. Don't worry, I'm not as much as a raging alcoholic as I seem...I have to put the disclaimer on here incase anyone gets as intense and angry as Taylor Swift fans when Tina Fey does her job....I do like Taylor Swift, but these two together. Come on, I would be honored to be dissed by them

Look at this picture- "This is our impression of Brianna Johnston after work because the fast food industry is just sooo difficult..poor me. Yeah well there's a special place in hell for you too Brianna. It's called the 'suck it up pub' 

The whole incident just makes me happier that this happened. 

"I was going to push you down the stairs.." -Jennifer Lawrence. 

'Nah, it's cool that she joked about pushing her down a flight of stairs live on the red carpet, but the fact that Tina Fey merely uttered some words as part of a skit all in good fun, yeah we're going to have to go to twitter and bash those two millionaires that don't care about our opinion anyways." -Taylor Swift fan logic. 

But really I do like Taylor Swift, it's her hardcore fans that I'm just like stahp, and go hang out with Justin Bieber fans, and only socialize with each other. 

Sooo those are my celebrity feelings this week.... 

I can't wait until I write a screenplay that gets me to these award shows. It really is a dream of mine. I love creative writing and making people laugh. Fashion though? yeahh I'll be wearing my slippers and sweat pants. But I'll wear my nicest addidas. 

In other Johnston family news, I've experienced some one liners from family members lately that basically sum up our family. As you may know we have 7 kids, a couple significant others and some extra kids from significant others and previous marriages. there are currently 5 of the 7 Johnston kids living under the roof of headquarters of chaos right now so I please ask that you never enter our laundry room. You will get lost and die. Don't believe us? Ask Melissa. Brother's girlfriend, one of my favorite pals to hang our with. She wins 'best all around' if the family were to ever host an award show. She said quote "I will do anything for your family EXCEPT towels. I could never do towels in this house" pure. genius. It's hysterically true. & of us in this house. And I'm proud to announce that we ALL shower. Yup. it might seem like we're in the threshold of hell sometimes, BUT we have our shit together just enough that we all shower regularly. Putting all this together I would just like to shout out that my mother is a saint. And my father a brave brave soul for all the times that he helps out and puts his best effort. Sometimes his towel effort includes, "Hey, can you carry this stack of towels up to the bathroom cabinet?" Or he does it himself. And sometimes his effort goes all the way and  puts his best "Mr. Mom" impression on. He gets a HUGE award though for this story: I love the way my mom tells it so if you have the privilege of seeing her, ask her. But awhile back my mom was very sick and in the hospital for quite a few weeks. My dad really did a fantastic job being by her side, and keeping us kids in line all the while. My mom says she was most impressed with his laundry skills. He did it all while she was on her, what she calls "Timothy Leary" vacation (If you're under the age of 40- yeah I don't get it either) but anyways, the socks. my dad said "I did it all except match the socks..." At this time, My brother was still living at home so you take 6 kids, and a parent, multiply 2 socks in a pair, and then multiply however many socks we all have. But the brave man survived the laundry of the Johnstons. 

Speaking of how many kids we have, the other night at dinner, my sister (co-star of the new reality 2 broke girls) was explaining the downsides of birth control as there was a story about it on the news, To which my mom replied "That's why I don't take birth control" There were 5 out of 7  of her children around the dinner table....7. As she walked away, The elder sister says "Yeah, it shows that you don't use birth control..." 

I'm telling you big families are where it's at. Sometimes I wish I was in a smaller family but then I realize, non of those laughs would have happened. I wouldn't be who I am today. However I wouldn't be able to tolerate noise as much as I can now. I probably wouldn't be a coffee addict and I probably wouldn't be so well rounded and open minded. 

I'm almost positive I'm forgetting something to write, but since I'll be posting back on a regular schedule, I'll catch it next time. Feel free to share, leave feedback, follow me on twitter, Briannajohns2. instagram Bjohnston2, and all that good stuff. You know because I'm so famous and there are a lot of hardcore followers that are going to hit me up on twitter tonight. But you wait, I do have one motivation for going to the gym and it's that I want to look good in my dress for the Oscar's next year.