Maine can be summed up in 3 pots:
-Pot Heads
-Pot Holes
-Potluck dinners
With the recent bills passed, pot heads in Portland rejoice
Pot holes, Because Winter happens
Potlucks, because we don't do catering.big party? Everyone bring a dish! (which usually ends up being 50 bowls of potato salad)
My family is all about the Maine life. My mom grew up in Naples. So she was in the mix of the Sebago Lakes region. The happiest portion of the state. The southern Bar Harbor. The big summer attraction for tourists that don't want to drive all the way up to Bar Harbor... My father grew up in Aroostook County. Also known as Potato County. I'm not even kidding, where my grandmother lives, there are more miles of potato fields than tar. In the winter, they mostly use snowmobiles to get around. The gas station is lines of them. in fact, the snowmobile and ATV dealerships are as common as car dealerships. They have a couple radio stations...and if you're eating a meal, any time of day, it's called 'suppah' (supper for those of you still getting used to the accent). So if it's like..let's say 11 AM and someone asks "You want a suppah?" Don't think you're having dinner already and it's almost bed time. The northern lifestyle is not for the weak. You have to be prepared to drop your cell phone service, wi-fi, and know how to play a good hand of cribbage. Don't lead with a 5, 10, or facecard. I learned that in my last 3 cribbage games I played with my grandfather before he passed. Out of all the cousins, and siblings I have, somehow I got some one on one bonding time with him and my grandmother. I was 12 years old, and the cribbage board was on the kitchen table. So while Grammy cleaned up the kitchen and did the dishes, she was our audience. We were tied a game a piece so we played a third as a tie breaker. He won, because he is the Johnston cribbage champion. But he sure did teach me a lot about the game that day. Plus what else is there to do?! I already told you, if you're not fishing or hunting, play cribbage. You might snub the lifestyle, but to the Johnstons, it's family time. There is always food to be had, a riddle to solve, or cards to play. I wish I knew exactly how many decks of cards my grandmother had in her kitchen drawer. If it's not your turn at the pegging game yet, you usually warm up your shuffling skills with a game of solitaire, clock, or gather the whoever else is free for a game of rummy. In the winter time, If you're not in the big suit and helmet running the snow sled around the tater fields, don't miss out on your fun! there is a perfect sledding hill past the swing set into the garden. However, we don't use those fancy sleds you get at the wal mart or mardens. One time, My grandmother gave us a piece of cardboard, and the lid of a trash can and it was honest to God, some of the most fun hill sledding ever. A piece. Of. Cardboard.
Still not buying the Canadian border lifestyle? Let's head a little further south. To about 2 miles below the Speed Limit 75 sign. College town, my old stomping grounds, Orono. Where kids go when they can't afford to go out of state, but don't want to be a commuter, or don't want to go to USM because EVERYONE from your high school will be there. So we go to Orono for the thrill and excitement of the Umaine where only 75% of your graduating class starts off..they get weeded out in time though. They'll transfer to USM or SMCC and sometimes the adventurous ones go to St. Joe's. But we'll visit Orono for a bit. There is literally nothing there unless you go to the college. Every car you drive past has a Umaine parking pass. A student, faculty, staff, janitor, dining hall worker, anything. It IS cool if you're going to school there though. Orono is usually referred to as "The best 5 years of my life" and It's true! I met some of the best people in my life there. I gained a lot of frisbee skills, I widened my comfort zone, and I even fit in some classes. I joined hip hop club at Umaine, Orono. And I want to discuss how awesome that statement is. Hip Hop. In Orono Maine. We blasted rap in dance studio room 226, and choreographed some back street dance crew routines. Don't underestimate white kids in the northern tip of this country. I don't attend UMO anymore, but what I miss the most (besides friends obviously) is this club. I think that if people gave it a chance, Maine could be as badass as the streets of Manhatten. I hope I'm still alive when there are legit dance offs with beats coming from either a beat boxer, or a boom box at the community basketball court, in central Maine.
Another fact of Umaine alumni. If you went to school there at standard college age, and you turned 21 there. you own a Umaine shot glass. Am I wrong? It's like a cool 'you're part of a special crowd' thing. The food in the area. I'm sure they planned this, but it's all perfect hangover food...You got your Margaritas, Verve which is a small place spcializing in burritos, and then all of these random pizza places. But they all taste fantastic....especially Pat's, that's just an classic. And not to mention the Orono location is where the whole chain started! and it still has the feel of an old pizza parlor
For a nice dinner, or relaxing drink, Woodman's right across from Pat's has you covered. It's a dim, cozy place with a chill and friendly environment. The food is to die for, and the bar is loaded and ready to fulfill the needs of a stressed out college kid.
As we continue down I95, we find Bangor. "Banger" ..I hardly KNOW her! <<That joke, yeahh Mainers have NEVER heard that on before...*Sarcasm. Bangor is like..The herpe on the state of Maine. It's the skid mark on Maine's underwear. It's the Meg of the Maine city family. In case you can't tell, I'm not a huge fan of Bangor. I worked customer service in the ghetto of Bangor and dealt with a lot of white trash, bath salt infused just plain rude and unpleasant people. Please don't judge Maine on what goes down in Bangor. It's just one giant trailer park with a mall.
Maine is really a beautiful place though. In the summer time, you have a beer in your hand. You're not always trying to get drunk, it's just there...whatever you're doing. fishing- beer. beach-beer. This summer I'm making it a habit to save bottle caps. All different types of beers, and each cap probably has a story. This past summer for example would have included :
-First beer with my brother
-Beer from the time I actually beat dad at cribbage
-That intense game of cornhole, beer
etc etc.
Speaking of beer, Portland Maine is home to some of the best baseball games out there. No matter what you're doing in Maine..visiting, doing time in the state prison, whatever. Go to a Sea Dogs game. Cheap seats, that perfect 'summer night baseball game' atmosphere. Slugger gives some of the best hugs I've ever had. AND if you're a baseball nerd, some of the guys playing make it to the big stage. But until they do, enjoy getting third baseline seats for $10, eat your hot dog and be happy.
Portland Headlight. Not in Portland. It's a small quirk about Maine that most tourists don't know. In fact, you go over the casco bay bridge, into South Portland, stay in the right lane of the bridge. go straight through the next 2 sets of lights, and then bang a right at the playground/private school. keep going straight and you'll end up in Cape Elizabeth and you'll see the gate on your left to 'Fort Williams/Portland Headlight'.......Yeah. PORTLAND headlight is 2 towns away from Portland. Deal with it. Because it's a fantastic park.
This is a favorite spot for families like mine, you can fly kites, explore the fort, play frisbee, have a picnic AND It's cheaper than....
Growing up in Maine comes with the summer ritual of going to Funtown. Until you're old enough to know what Six Flags, Disneyland, and Busch Gardens are, Funtown was like....your eyes just went all 'JimmyFallon impersonating Rob Ford' when you're parents said "We're going to Funtown this Saturday!
I've only been to another amusement park once. Six Flags on a school trip and it rained so we were able to go on like 2 rides. So Funtown is still the most exciting place I've been. OH and when you're listening to the radio in the summer time and that commercial comes on, yeahhhh you Mainers know what I'm talking about. you NEED to say the 'ohhhh yeahhh' in a deep voice and sing the rest of the jingle.
You can't talk about southern Maine in the summer without touching on Old Orchard Beach. Or as white girl wasted girls only know it as 'OOB' "like why did they name a beach boob...but without the first B.." If you want to see white trash capitol of the world, a beach that only Honey Boo Boo and mama June could love, Head down to Old Orchard!
Don't get me wrong, it's not bad if you go with the right people. The Beach is huge. My friends and I go there and have some of the most intense games of '500' ever, but some of the things you see....can't be unseen...speedo capitol of the world I'm saying...Oh and you have to pay to use the bathroom.....50 cents last I checked. Thanks a lot LePage...Like if I eat too much Chipotle on the way and I ...let's say don't have time to fish around for 50 cents in my wallet, then you can deal with the mess....That's all I'll say about that.
Notice a lot of the places I've mentioned, I've had my complaints about. But the best thing about it, is I also stated that it's fun if you're with the right people. Maine is all about making your own fun and excitement with your friends and family. My summers are spent on my back deck, watching the ball game, playing cribbage and wiffle ball and laughing with the family until the bon fire is out and there are no more marshmellows in the bag. Winter is tough, but with my friends playing wii and having adventures in the Old Port, Life is good...I finally get it... 'The Way Life Should Be' ...With friends and family making even the most boring state a fun place to be.
The people can be annoying sometimes. Those hicks at wal mart that are all bad because they're out past their 10 PM curfew, and the Maine "gangsters" these are the kids that talk all bad on facebook. Wear their pants below their butt cracks, wear flat brimmed hats barely on their heads, rev their honda civics in the taco bell drive thru. But find the right Mainers and you'll have a hell of a time. (Just don't come in the winter because we're cranky and our cars are broken) ;)
That doesn't even touch base on a lot of the things Maine has to offer. Moosehead lake, Acadia national park, among others are places that I haven't been to yet, but I'm working on it. Those City folk always make fun of us and say we wipe our butts with pine cones, and ride moose out into the woods, that's not true. (Well maybe it is in Fort Kent...) Just kidding, but anyways, I'm very happy that I was born and raised in Maine because it makes travelling to other places SO much more exciting.
PS, no we don't like our Governor either...in fact it's a touchy subject so if you come for a visit.don't bring it up.
But definitely come visit! We'll get the pegs ready and get the cooler filled!
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