Life in the middle is excitingly mediocre as ever. I really think my family is cut out for a reality TV show. Why do they make a bunch of episodes about rich families? The Kardashians? why. that shit isn't interesting. Everything they do is old news. The Bruce and Kris divorce marks the FIFTH in the immediate family. Granted my math is correct. My family is happy, temperamental, mental, hectic, laid back, ridiculous, fantastic, and all over the place. This new show, #rich kids of Beverly Hills. what. the. actual, f***. Number 1, it has a hashtag at the beginning of the title. That is what our generation has come to. If it doesn't have a hashtag before its name, it doesn't exist.
Their voices make me want to go all Van Gough on my ear. But that's enough on that subject, I was merely trying to get the point across that my family would make for great reality TV.
Let's start off this Johnston update from the middle child perspective with a round of applause for the middle school production of Aladdin. The Johnston's own child #6 (that's number 6, not hashtag 6) She was part of the ensemble. She danced and sang with the rest and they all looked absolutely fantastic. Everyone goes through an awkward stage in middle school. And if you claim that you didn't, I don't trust you. These kids though....They were fantastic.
In other news, it's cold outside. In case you didn't know that already. What's more annoying though? people complaining about the cold, or people freaking a shit about global warming. "It's happening, it's not happening, we're to blame, blah blah blah it's Obama's fault." Shut. the F. up. Yeah we can go green but unless you're the green giant, calm your tits, or your junk or however you want to say the phrase, and get over it until June. Embrace the extra cuddles you get from your loved one, or if you're single like myself, cuddle with your dog and sleep with a heating pad. And also, find away to laugh about it.
Let's shift gears to parenting. My parents are great. Hands down. They are the cliche, prime example of those parents you see on sitcoms. (Jennifer Lawrence tid bit time) look at the Bill Engvall show where America's sweet heart started her career. Most of the time, her character looked at her parents like this.
Like today for example. My mom and I have been taking my car on shopping trips because the heat isn't working in our classic family mini van. It has a remote for unlocking the doors. I explain to my mom to press the unlock button twice. She examines the remote and pushes what she thinks is the correct button..Well that button was the alarm button...but hey! we made it in the car eventually. Steve's turn! I was talking to my parents about twitter and how weird some of things people post are and my dad, who works with computers as a living, but isn't quite caught up with the lingo, and social media hype. responds with "You have to be careful what you post on that tweeter website..." ..yeah will do dad. Oh well. It's still better than the time he asked what twerking was...........................................J-Law, take it away.....
Chandler, your thoughts?
I kind of wish Jimmy Fallon did a segment titled "Twerking with Parents" where parents try to understand twerking, or their faces when their kids explain it. Send in your home videos and America will vote for the best awkward parent moment.
My mom, like most moms is my biggest fan. I might never get to write comedy movies, or have a great book, or work with Jennifer Lawrence or Leonardo DiCaprio despite all of that being my ultimate dream. BUT my mom loves my work and that's all that matters. I say what comes to my head and sometimes it leads to bursts of laughter from mom in public. So we're in target today and I went into the bathroom. Public bathrooms by the way, have magic mirrors. they show EVERY flaw on your face. I'm too lazy to wear make up every day. sorry, not sorry. I'm confident enough with my face that I don't always need to cover everything just to run a few errands. Confidence is sexy ladies. And it's cheaper... anyways, so I noticed that I'm due for a spa day per say...I need some facial peach fuzz removed. I don't even care that I'm putting this on the interweb. You can say it's gross and whatnot but on the today show, Brooke Shields even said she maintains it too. ANYWAYS. The way I described it to my mom is that I feel like my sub-nasal region is starting to look like a Mexican pornstar's crustache. No need to worry though fellas. Every girl gets it. The lighting in Target just made mine prominent enough for me to realize that I probably shouldn't be allowed any playgrounds or little kids for that matter until I get on that.........Sometimes I wonder why I'm single and then I remember that I share things like this.....
We move on to Wal Mart. First off. If your kids are misbehaved. Don't bring them to wal mart. Second, if you feed your kids junk, and then take them shopping. don't be surprised that they are mis behaving! Your cart is filled with enough sugar filled substances to kill an oompa loompa and your kids are bouncing off the walls and you wonder why? I'm not even going to talk about the way people dress at wal mart, there is a whole website for that.
We were looking for things for Child #7's birthday which is on Sunday. We had passed a few pinatas throughout the day, and my mom was debating on getting one with each one we passed along our adventure. "How much is that on?" thinks about, and then moves on with a 'maybe' face on. then I found this adorable photobooth kit. it had Big smiley face masks, and glasses, and goofy things to put on for like an old school photo booth. "Awwwh look we could get a photo booth for the party"
To this, my mom looks utterly weirded out. "Why?" she says looking at it like it's the dullest thing on the planet. Naturally I responded in Brianna Fashion
"You think that's weird and annoying but you want to get them something to beat the shit out of and watch candy fall out its ass?"
I though mom was going to pee her pants.
*Sidenote: if reading any of this DID make you pee your pants...
This was a short write up but hey I'm doing the best I can. Chandler's birthday AND the superbowl are on Sunday so I'm sure I will have some pictures and stories to share. stay tuned for more Johnston excitement from the middle child view point, and be sure to follow me on 'tweeter' Briannajohns2 and instagram bjohnston2 and be sure to go back and read the 'Pursuit of Happiness' blog post from a couple weeks ago if the winter blues is still getting you. Stay happy, stay healthy!
It has come to my attention (via facebook, going to wal mart, working in customer service, etc.) that the post holiday depression is really hitting a lot of people. Maybe a few of you will read this, not be effected, maybe some of you aren't reading this and you're missing out. But, sometimes I know that people just need a good laugh or motivational booster to push through the sadness you might be feeling. It's January, it's cold and it's usually a gloomy foggy, dark cloudy day. Such as today...I have some tips, some thoughts, and some random things that hopefully one of them is bound to make someone out there smile.
My goal is to make people happy. An achievement I like to make is making people smile. And my ultimate passion is making people laugh. It's the basis behind my writing, and the reason for if my nursing career doesn't work out I want to be out there making people laugh. What are you goals? do you have any? do you make baby steps? If you're sad, set a goal to be happier. the baby step: to smile every. single. day. I don't mean like "start every day with a smile" just because a quote on a piece of canvas at Target said it. I mean look for things that make you smile. A song, a movie you've seen a million times, talking to someone, or simply going outside. Go on pinterest and go to the humor section. I do this daily. Granted I spend WAY too much time on pinterest, I think it's totally ok because it makes me laugh out loud. If you need some help, check out these faces of Jennifer Lawrence. It's apparent that she's my favorite but hey at least I'm not addicted to crack. http://pandawhale.com/post/6493/jennifer-lawrence-reaction-gifs
And another happy picture:
And this is because I have to say this, but appreciate what you have. If you have 4 working limbs, don't have cancer, have never lost a loved one, live in a warm home, with food, working appliances and good company then I guarantee you can get through any 'depression' you're feeling because there are people that go through one or more of those things and they are incredibly happy. Watch Silver Linings Playbook. Better yet READ Silver Linings Playbook. people that say the 'love the movie' but haven't read the book yet irritate me. I have the movie and book but here's the catch, if you want to borrow the movie, you MUST first read the book. that's my policy. You'll see real sadness from a man that finds the 'silver lining' after he completely hit rock bottom.
I myself thought I hit rock bottom. I live in my parents basement, I work in fast food, I'm broke, I've been single my whole life and I haven't found my 'niche' in life. but that's fucking. OK. because I love my family, I love my co workers, my room is still my own space like an apartment but it's smaller and my parents make me dinner, and I love myself that being single doesn't bother me.
S
ide tip- You don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend to make you happy. Don't post on facebook and twitter how single you are, because it translates into how desperate you are. Desperation REEKS of unhappiness. You cut that out and you love yourself and you learn to be happy alone. It will make you a better person, leading you to enter a relationship in the right ways, and you will be a fantastic significant other because you didn't force anything, and you'll be truly honestly happy. trust me. Stop whining about not finding anyone, and WINE the night away with a tall glass of "I'm awesome." Yeah YOU
What else makes you happy? well me personally, I color. I'm 21 years old and I have a dinosaur coloring book and and the crayola ultimate crayon collection which contains 192 crayons, and another box of crayola's finest with 120 crayons. and I'm proud of every page I color. They're bright, and it's a kids coloring book so most of the dinosaurs have friendly faces. However, being 21 means I can have a beer while I color. When I'm not closing at work, this is my favorite thing to do. Color with a beer. Seriously, try it.
What else works? scientifically, working out does. Save up for some nice work out shoes, and get a membership. Working out releases endorphins the natural happy drug. You heard it here first! you don't always need weed to feel good. I'm not dissing weed PS, I'm just saying I'm sick of people being so dependent on it. And that's all I'm saying there. But really go to the gym, or for a run or walk or do some crunches and planks at home. And Trust me, (although it is not scientifically proven) it is SO MUCH better working out in the morning. As the sun is rising. It adds an effect of happiness that the sun gives and you get it out of the way and you're more awake throughout the day, which can help with crankiness.
Kind of along the lines of working out, if you think you're fat, stop. dwelling. on. it. It's bad for your mood, your self esteem, and everyone you say "I'm fat" to. I don't believe in diets at all. But I do believe in a healthy lifestyle which ALWAYS includes at lease some junk food. I swear a colorfully decorated cake, colors you on the inside making you happy. With that said, EAT. THE. F***ING CAKE. If you need inspiration, this is me somewhat recently..
If you're upset because of what other people say about your body or looks...
So basically.....
If you live near me and need a workout buddy, seriously reach out to me. I have a membership and if I'm not working, I'd love to go with anyone. Especially if you need the motivation. You got me.
Another tip! this one confuses people but hear me out...
Have. Bad. Days. If you're having a bad day, it can last no longer than 24 hours. "24 hours sounds like a long time" well you know what Mr. Skeptic? it's a while hour shorter than 25 hours long. (side tip- look at the bright side) Anyways, bad days happen. You can't stop them. Your friends will get mad at you, you'll fight with your siblings, your boss will get mad at you, you will mess up, it will rain, it will pour, it will be cold, your car will break down, you will run out of money, you will get lonely, you will get hurt (emotionally and physically), you will fail a test, you will stub your toe, you will cry. It happens, and the way I see it, it makes good days seem even greater. Think of the worst day of your life. If you're like me and can't think of one specific day, then you're doing alright. I've thought of some bad times, but nothing that ruined my life. I've lost loved ones and I remember those days of getting the news, but with support you move on. With laughter and smiling you get through it. So have bad days. Forget your lunch and your coffee at home. You will survive, and you will be stronger.
If you're still stumped and unhappy. It's ok. Because now you know that there is a blogger somewhere that genuinely hopes you smile from some piece of this, and you gain some insight. If not, then I assume you're missing all 4 limbs, blind, have no friends or family left and have never smelled bacon or eaten a cupcake. But no seriously, I hope you find what you're looking for because it's out there. I promise you, you will find a hobby, a job, a favorite movie, a favorite actor, a favorite food, and a friend.
Set goals and don't get disappointed if you don't reach it right away. I'd love to write screen plays and maybe co direct a movie with Jennifer Lawrence but I know that's not going to happen tomorrow and it might not happen ever, but believing that it will happen sometime in the future helps with the motivation. Maybe I will never make it to Hollywood but I have fun writing anyways.
Now you have to smile about this....The weekend is almost here! (yes I know it's Thursday) But I still hope you have a happy Friday!
It sure has been awhile since my last post, but now that I have the time, and like all real humans I avoid the gym with every excuse I get. So hopefully I get some good feedback and you people enjoy these web posts enough that I can say "Well I'd like to go to the gym, but I need to keep my fans happy" It might be more like "Well I'd like to go to the gym but sitting in a comfy chair with sweatpants and slippers sipping coffee while pinning and watching youtube videos" might be more likely. People that are obsessed with working out freak me out. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the after effects. Like: it makes you happier, healthier, not so lazy the rest of the day, just all around euphoric feeling but come. on. It's smelly, it hurts, and if you wear a hat while you're doing it, you automatically scream "I'm a tool!" (PG-13 version): "I'm a total douchebag!" And yes, I'm still talking about going to the gym....although that description can fit for other extracurricular activities. (PG-13 version): sex. I was on my way to the gym when I realized I was out of gas and so came back home. "Why not just stop and get gas on the way?" I heard you just ask that in your head while reading this. Well because I don't have money until I get paid tomorrow, and until Chegg gives back my money for keeping their textbooks longer than allowed. But I don't have gas to get to the UPS store, because I don't have money because chegg took my money, until I give them their books back, but I can't give their books back because I don't have gas to get to the UPS store....you see the cycle. I'm looking for my big break in hollywood for writing and then I'll finally have money. BUT if I get my big break, then the 3.5 years I've spent in school would have been a waste, and therefore the money I spent on the textbooks and tuition a waste? life is weird. But for now I'm broke and I'm ok with it.
You know that show '2 broke girls?' why is that a show? Those 2 broke girls recently hosted the People's choice awards and are clearly raking in the big bucks. I think I'm going to take over the show and make it a reality series about me and my sister living in my parents basement. It would follow us around our house. Both in our early 20s, watching the Golden Globes in our parents' kitchen, blogging, watch friends late at night. Because God forbid we get boyfriends or our own places to live. All of this happens by the way while we fight about the bathroom counter's cleanliness (as we share it) PS-stop unplugging my toothbrush, and about maybe having the TV too loud and the other one can't sleep. All the perks of sharing a basement. It's all in good fun, we have our laughs between the typical sister bickering. And watching the Globes with her, (and my other sister) was actually pretty fun. Moral of the story of the REAL 2 Broke Girls- if you're fighting with your sister, just wait it out till the next laugh, and don't stay mad about whatever you're fighting about. (time to get cheesy, sorry not sorry). My sisters and mom are my best friends, My favorite memories will always be family time around the kitchen table and in the midst of bickering, it's pretty refreshing to think of that. So here is my advice, if you find yourself really not getting along with a sibling, wait it out, and think of a bigger picture. So while I'm broke I'm continuing my work at KFC/Taco Bell. Realistically, it's your typical fast food job. But I oddly enjoy showing up to work when I like the people I work with. I can't wait to move on to bigger and better things, but when I look at it I could have it way worse. I recently won employee of the month and a special pin for doing well on what's kind of like a quiz when the food safety inspector shows up. I get excited for the little things. You have to in an average joe life like this. In my opinion, this life, and getting excited about the little things is WAY better than a big, rich fancy life style. Incase you couldn't tell by my gym rant. Now work isn't always a walk in the park no matter who is working. Society stress me out. I leave work sore, cranky, and exhausted. When people ask me my plans after my work shift, my response can be summed up perfectly right here:
Ask my coworkers, I get manic. Sometimes in a good way, someones a bad way, depending on my coffee level, all of which gets balanced after work, if you can infer with the help of J Law. Don't worry, I'm not as much as a raging alcoholic as I seem...I have to put the disclaimer on here incase anyone gets as intense and angry as Taylor Swift fans when Tina Fey does her job....I do like Taylor Swift, but these two together. Come on, I would be honored to be dissed by them
Look at this picture- "This is our impression of Brianna Johnston after work because the fast food industry is just sooo difficult..poor me. Yeah well there's a special place in hell for you too Brianna. It's called the 'suck it up pub'
The whole incident just makes me happier that this happened.
"I was going to push you down the stairs.." -Jennifer Lawrence.
'Nah, it's cool that she joked about pushing her down a flight of stairs live on the red carpet, but the fact that Tina Fey merely uttered some words as part of a skit all in good fun, yeah we're going to have to go to twitter and bash those two millionaires that don't care about our opinion anyways." -Taylor Swift fan logic.
But really I do like Taylor Swift, it's her hardcore fans that I'm just like stahp, and go hang out with Justin Bieber fans, and only socialize with each other.
Sooo those are my celebrity feelings this week....
I can't wait until I write a screenplay that gets me to these award shows. It really is a dream of mine. I love creative writing and making people laugh. Fashion though? yeahh I'll be wearing my slippers and sweat pants. But I'll wear my nicest addidas.
In other Johnston family news, I've experienced some one liners from family members lately that basically sum up our family. As you may know we have 7 kids, a couple significant others and some extra kids from significant others and previous marriages. there are currently 5 of the 7 Johnston kids living under the roof of headquarters of chaos right now so I please ask that you never enter our laundry room. You will get lost and die. Don't believe us? Ask Melissa. Brother's girlfriend, one of my favorite pals to hang our with. She wins 'best all around' if the family were to ever host an award show. She said quote "I will do anything for your family EXCEPT towels. I could never do towels in this house" pure. genius. It's hysterically true. & of us in this house. And I'm proud to announce that we ALL shower. Yup. it might seem like we're in the threshold of hell sometimes, BUT we have our shit together just enough that we all shower regularly. Putting all this together I would just like to shout out that my mother is a saint. And my father a brave brave soul for all the times that he helps out and puts his best effort. Sometimes his towel effort includes, "Hey, can you carry this stack of towels up to the bathroom cabinet?" Or he does it himself. And sometimes his effort goes all the way and puts his best "Mr. Mom" impression on. He gets a HUGE award though for this story: I love the way my mom tells it so if you have the privilege of seeing her, ask her. But awhile back my mom was very sick and in the hospital for quite a few weeks. My dad really did a fantastic job being by her side, and keeping us kids in line all the while. My mom says she was most impressed with his laundry skills. He did it all while she was on her, what she calls "Timothy Leary" vacation (If you're under the age of 40- yeah I don't get it either) but anyways, the socks. my dad said "I did it all except match the socks..." At this time, My brother was still living at home so you take 6 kids, and a parent, multiply 2 socks in a pair, and then multiply however many socks we all have. But the brave man survived the laundry of the Johnstons.
Speaking of how many kids we have, the other night at dinner, my sister (co-star of the new reality 2 broke girls) was explaining the downsides of birth control as there was a story about it on the news, To which my mom replied "That's why I don't take birth control" There were 5 out of 7 of her children around the dinner table....7. As she walked away, The elder sister says "Yeah, it shows that you don't use birth control..."
I'm telling you big families are where it's at. Sometimes I wish I was in a smaller family but then I realize, non of those laughs would have happened. I wouldn't be who I am today. However I wouldn't be able to tolerate noise as much as I can now. I probably wouldn't be a coffee addict and I probably wouldn't be so well rounded and open minded.
I'm almost positive I'm forgetting something to write, but since I'll be posting back on a regular schedule, I'll catch it next time. Feel free to share, leave feedback, follow me on twitter, Briannajohns2. instagram Bjohnston2, and all that good stuff. You know because I'm so famous and there are a lot of hardcore followers that are going to hit me up on twitter tonight. But you wait, I do have one motivation for going to the gym and it's that I want to look good in my dress for the Oscar's next year.
It's baaaaaaaaaack.
School is winding down and so the blog is on its way back!!
This post is dedicated to everyone enduring finals week out there. Whether you are a student, parent of a student, room mate of a student, girlfriend, boyfriend, boss, co worker of a student, expect to have a shitty next couple of weeks!
So for some, finals week means practicums. a 100 question test over the whole semester. For some, you (simply) need to write an essay. For some, you have to make a presentation. Or maybe your professor is an asshole and makes you do more than one of these options...
That being said, there will be a lot of all nighters out there, so get these ready
As we embark on this trip, you ever notice how professors just stand there perky as can be, knowing that you're about to die, or get crushed under the pressure of their little game and you just stand there like-
But you've known about this final most of the semester, right? well yeah, I mean I should have studied more throughout the semester but some things just take priority,
*I could always use more lives by the way...*
Don't rule anything out now, anything is possible. you never know, you might walk out of your final feeling like:
But of course, the expected result is more like...
In any event, happy finals week and may the scale be ever in your favor.
And when they are over, let's celebrate and kick back with some drinks
And Abbi Brockelbank
So you may have noticed a trend here. yeah. catching fire came out and has been #1 two weeks in a row, (another factor in my lack of studying). In fact I've been as they say "geeking out" over this movie. I have no shame, but then someone liked one of my pictures on instagram and I realized that I am not NEARLY as dedicated a fan as some people....
Incase the font is too small, this users name is "katnisschristmastree" what does that even mean? whoever it is, takes fangirl/christmas lover to a whole new level. As assumed, it's all katniss everdeen instagramed photos. I mean granted I'm sitting here writing a blog with a hunger games based theme but HOW...HOW is your life so boring that you come up with that kind of instagram page? This girl will not be owning her finals...
So the last time I was this caught up in a movie it was Pitch Perfect.
Aca-awesome right? Anna Kendrick, from Portland, fantastic in her role, looked up some of her other movies. She's great! And now with recent events, Jennifer Lawrence has taken over my woman crush wednesday. both are flawless, both know how to handle hollywood. They're both like my best friends. Welll you want to know what sucks? when you're two best friends hate each other...
I stumbled across this picture the other day and I just hope it's not true...how else will I have them both at my Gatsby party? (Invites also include Channing Tatum, Rebel Wilson, Josh Hutcherson, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Anniston and so on)
So that's my Finals week/hunger games/ Hollywood news mashup.
I hope to write more about "life in the middle" soon, but I think my fellow college students really needed to see that we're all in the same boat this week. So study hard, or don't because we all know you're on twitter and tumbler and reading this instead of studying. But let's do our best and I will keep up with regular writings soon. I posted this to the FB feed last night, but I'm going to let Hercules close this post out with a motivational pep talk/song for all of us getting another step closer to our degrees!
Alright so this is my 8th post and I've been having a ton of fun writing this so far and with the holiday season fast approaching, material is probably going to get interesting (as if it wasn't already). That being said, I'm looking for some feedback. I can see how many people read the posts on a dashboard on the site I post the blog on. I'm looking more for like: What you like about the style of writing, what you want more of, less of, just a general feeling of how the posts have been. I was like this in school too. Feedback has always been something I appreciate. The blog is a great way for me to escape my stress. Not to toot my own horn but I have made myself laugh writing it even while I was actually in a really pissed off mood. I know most of you read this from facebook so message me or leave a comment on the link if you wish, or just sit back on the couch, at your desk or hey maybe you're on the toilet, read and enjoy!
This post is a little long, but it's because I had to go into some detail, and I admit, some of the 'funnies' in this write up are "had to be there" moments, but hang in there, the holidays with extra family time are making their way into the household. So stick it out for a boring post, and I promise the best is yet to come.
After Halloween, Travis, his GF Catrina and I really started to form a bond. That is what the basis of this blog is anyways...bonding with the Fam. Anyways, I have a thing for watching scary movies even though I lose tons and tons of sleep because I'm such a big baby and I scare very easily. So I started watching Paranormal Activity 3. By myself in the living room. This is the typical reaction I get: "Those movies aren't even scary...they're unrealistic blah blah blah. BULL. SH*T. I will have you know, I was looking this stuff up and Katie Featherston is one of the top Katies on google.
For those who don't know the series is about a girl haunted by a demon for her whole life and then is possessed by the demon in early-middle adulthood, kills her boyfriend abducts her nephew and whatnot. The third movie, the one I was watching that night was a flashback in which it shows Katie and he sister at elementary ages where they first encounter this demon. Or at the time, it was their imaginary friend- Toby. So Travis and Catrina get home halfway through the movie and Travis goes outside. I was sitting on the couch in front of a large window that looks out the front yard I know my brother. So I said alright I'm going to cut his fun out right now and not give him a chance to scare me so I'll go in the kitchen, Smart idea Brianna. So I'm in the kitchen with my Catrina and my nephew Cameron. Surprise, there are also windows in the kitchen. Travis cut out, my cut out of his fun and crept up to the kitchen window and jumped up on it yelling. needless to say, my yellow underwear turned a dark shade of brown in the back. I jumped so high I almost hit my head on the ceiling and turns out I was not as smart as I thought. I made Travis and Catrina watch the rest of the movie with me. She loves scary movies and I wasn't so keen on being alone. Travis used to be one of those people that said they were stupid movies and whatnot. Well we got watching it, and it starts getting to the intense part where the real scary stuff starts happening. Travis gets more and more nervous and then there's a part where the main guy opens door and there is a group of possessed women, and at that moment I watched my brother go from badass not scared of anything, to cry baby sitting between his sister and girlfriend on the couch. The movie ends obviously in death for a couple characters and Travis could not be quicker to shut the TV off. So we plan on watching a happy movie to get the creepiness out of our minds, we went to get pizza and then came back home to watch the Hangover III. As Travis goes to put it in the DVD player, he opens the case only to find the movie is not in the case and he left it at someone's house....now what....well Catrina just bought the Conjuring.. we could watch that...
ADVISORY: DO NOT google image the conjuring....I just shipped my pants in the SMCC library re-seeing some of the images that I saw while watching it, and saw some things that I didn't want to see, and hadn't seen because I was covering my eyes at that point in the movie. I was going to put one of them on here but considering I don't know the ages, or scare tolerance of the audience reading this, I'll keep them off the blog...but I mean it's not because I'm scared to look at them long enough to right click save, left click download, go to images which already has a picture of katie featherston and then click it again and have it pop up in a very large format on the blog and then resize it. It's not that at all.....just looking out for you guys ;)
So we start watching this movie...This post really will not do any justice to how scary we found it. There is a theme in the movie where the children of the family play a blindfolded version of hide and seek, and to help the seeker you have to clap twice to hint at where you might be hiding.
BREAKDOWN: "clap!" *clap clap* Got it? good. Well as the movie progresses, one of the ghosts/demons whatever they are lures the mother to this creepy closet by clapping twice and then sh*t goes down. And so, Like one of Pavlov's dogs, claps have conditioned me to pee my pants in fear. After the movie, (it's about 1AM at this point) everyone goes to bed. terrified, but we go.
So my bedroom is in the basement, I was already in tears for the trauma that this movie caused me. Travis and Catrina slept in the living room part of the basement. As the lights were off in the basement, in my bedroom and all was quiet, I hear *CLAP CLAP* from the basement area. (Children under the age of 18 cover your eyes, and don't read, or if it's being read to you cover your ears, this next paragraph is rated R for..)
"TRAVIS R YOU REALLY THAT MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE SHUT THE FUCK UP DON'T FUCKING CLAP AGAIN"
The response I got?: Sorry...I thought we had the clapper light.
Also guess who woke up at 3:07 that night? THIS GIRL! woo woo! (for those who don't know, demonologists have stated the 3:07 is the hour at which most demons are active as it mocks the Catholics. It is also portrayed and explained in the movie as all the clocks in the house stop at 3:07 and bam. more shit goes down. PS I'm googling all these pictures and demonolgy stuff for you guys and I have to say I am not coping well...when I say I scare easily, I mean I really scare easily and google just does not give a hoot about how scary the pictures are.... ANYWAYS I woke up at 3:07, screamed a little, cried a little and fell back asleep. So all weekend was about pranking each other for my brother and I. I got home from work late one night and he was sitting on the couch in front of the window and so I knew my moment had come. I press my face against the window, make a creepy smiley face a mere couple inches from the back of his head and I gently tap the window. I wish I recorded the sound of what his scream sounded like. It was like a whale with a high pitched tone turned a corner and saw a big scary shark about to eat it (calm down marine biologsts. I know whales are bigger, a lot bigger and I'm sure there are other sciency things in which that wouldn't happen but now we're off topic thanks a lot..) Anyways he jumped off the couch and I was so happy I finally got my revenge. I went upstairs and there was my mom, who heard the whole thing, waiting for me with her hand already raised for a high five. I'd done good. I had gone to bed and later on Travis went downstairs to head to bed. I spent all night warning him not to do anything to scare me. I was very on edge and kinda uncomfortable. I hate being scared, why I still watch these movies I don't know... SO he's downstairs and I'm almost asleep. and what do I hear but 2 faint claps. I jump out of bed fling open my bedroom door and just ream. him. out. With a confused look on his face he's like uhhh are you kidding me.. "NO. are YOU kidding me, I'm not kidding, grow up I'm already scared enough.." "Brianna...I closed a DVD case..." you know how it has like 2 closing spots on the side...yeah...I just flipped out on my brother for closing a DVD case.. I told you I was a little on edge..So those scares stopped, but I was curious about Paranormal Activity 4...I hadn't seen it yet..So I waited for a Sunny day, both my parents were home and at about 12:30 in the afternoon I thought it was a darn safe time to watch it! As I watched it.. I got into my head that the Conjuring was so scary, that Katie Featherson doesn't even phase me anymore. I was so confidant, that I told my mom! I watched every scary part, and dumb bitch wasn't even in the movie! fabulous! and then...
She returns, and my cholesterol levels go through the roof. Ok, still not too scary, she's just a girl. I mean sure she stands there with a creepy look on her face and she talks like a creep throughout the whole movie, but hey I can get over it. wrong. the end of the movie comes, and I sat on the couch cuddling my dog, and cat and avoiding looking at the TV screen as her face gets all messed up, the women from the 3rd movie that scared Travis came back, and she lunges at the screen with a hiss and the movie ends. Cue another change of underwear for Brianna. We all do that thing when we're scared where we have to watch something happy and funny. I think only 1% of the world can watch a scary movie, and then go to bed unscathed.
What better way to fix all of this than America's favorite comedies. The Big Bang Theory, and Friends. Well those are Brianna's favorites anyways. Incase this may have sparked some fear in you, let's visit some of Sheldon Cooper's finest moments, and some good times from apartment #20 above Central Perk.
Let's move onto Tuesday, I woke up and threw on my cranky pants. I woke up late, as I had to drive dad to the airport and when Brianna wakes up late...you just don't even want to know.(IN MY DEFENSE, I didn't know what time dad was planning on leaving the house) It's like no matter what you do, it's wrong. I can laugh at it now, but my poor family...When someone is running late my parents usually will slow you down and ask what they can help you with. Dad, being the loving father he is went to pour the coffee for me.
-Normal reaction: awwhh how nice thanks dad!
-Brianna Tuesday morning reaction: .......That's not in my favorite travel mug....
Yup. I was THAT asshole demon child that took the mug, dumped it into the mug I wanted and chucked the one my dad originally poured it in, in the sink. As he stood there with a look on his face like... "hell no this is not the child I created.."
So dad and I get into the car and usually these early morning airport drives consists of baseball conversations, football conversations, how much A-rod sucks, work ethic, school, etc. Do you think there was even a word spoken on this trip? well there was, but it went like this:
"You need to be in that lane to get to the airport...."
"Fine." *swerved in such a way you could see my attitude in the headlights.
So I'm convinced I have a split personality because I look back on that and think "oh crap I reeeeeally hope I do not have a daughter just like me.."
So I got to school early because of the airport trip but I don't mind having extra time before class, good time to do homework. So I head to the SMCC library which in my opinion, studying at chuck E cheese would be more productive...in my few months there, I have grown to hate that library. more like the students that hang out there, but that's a story for another time.
I find a nice corner by the window to study at, only to find that I left my textbooks at home in all the mess....perfect..and so, I spent A solid hour at least on pinterest...then, when it was time I let my eyes adjust, went to my first class and my mood had picked up a little bit. Back to the library I went for my break until my next class...and another 2 hours on pinterest....I will never forget my books again...
I get home that night and this conversation happened at the dinner table:
Annika: "Did you get anymore rubber bands?" (There is a new phase going on with kids that make this bracelets out of rubber bands
Mom: "Do you have any idea how many of those I have pulled out of the dryer?"
Me: "I found a lego in the dryer the other day" *cue guilty look from chandler*
Mom: "....I found a tooth in the dryer..."
Oh do your kids lose teeth and put them in like an envelope or something and hold on until they put it under their pillow at night? Not the Johnstons. If someone loses a tooth in this house there is no telling where it might go before it goes under the pillow. Clearly non-chalant Chandler just casually keeps his teeth that he loses in his pockets.
In other news, Mom thought she would get the dog a new toy. most dogs like sqweeky toys, or bones or other toys designated for dogs. Not Lily. she's more of a stuffed animal chewer, so what does mom buy? a cute little happy looking bear from the dollar store. I protested. The bear looked so happy! however, Lily has refrained from chewing it and instead treats it like a baby...I pretended to steal it from her this morning and instead of ripping it out of my hands like she would with any other toy, she say with a worried look, and then gently tried to take it back. The rest of the morning, she's looked like this:
So that's the week's report on the Johnston household, Like I said I hope some crazy holiday stuff starts happening so I can have you rofl-ing while reading. Again, any feedback is good and appreciated, and I am now on the prowl for material for next week!
Since there is so much material to cover, I think I start off with a helpful guide so those who are unfamiliar can keep track of the stars of the blog.
Valerie Johnston- Mom- gave birth to most of us
Steven Johnston- Dad- The mustache with a face attached to it
Child #1 -Travis Gibson- The eldest sibling, Fireman, proud father of Cameron (5 y.o.) and Natalie (13 y.o.)
Child #2- Andrew Johnston- Funny fireman brother that lives around the corner
Child #3- Allison Johnston- Figure skates, drives a mini cooper, drinks starbucks and saves the Amazon
Child #4- Brianna Johnston- Me, the favorite child.
Child #5- Savannah Johnston- Jealous that I'm the favorite. And also next to graduate.
Child #6- Annika Johnston- 7th grader, taller than everyone, will probably start med school next year.
Child #7- Chandler Johnston- 5th grade,The baby of the family, the funniest child, very difficult to get mad at...
Melissa- Girlfriend to Andrew, basically already like a sister, This blog's #1 Fan, Mother of Morgan.
Morgan- Daughter of Melissa, funny and happy little third grader who makes me laugh daily.
That's the basic rundown. I will print off copies of a handbook if requested.
OK finally,
This blog's material starts with last Monday. It was Senior night for the vollyball team so All but 1 sibling in the list made it to the event to see Savannah in her last high school volly ball game. This was also the same night as my dosage calculations nursing final so so I had to plan strategically of rushing through a test that decided my next 2 semesters, while also getting back to Windham through Portland's rush hour traffic in time for the game. (good news, I got a 92% on the final and passed the class. slight ecstatic but let's get back to the real story). With 5 separate cars, The Johnstons (minus only Allison) were all at the game. pretty impressive to get that many of us in 1 place, when that place isn't a funeral or a wedding.
Within just a few minutes of my arrival, there was an aroma in the air...it was like a cloud took over the whole section that we took up. It made you feel a little light headed. A little caught up in your throat. The foul smell could have deflated the volly ball with it's power. But where did it come from? What caused even Chandler's hair to curl? Non other than a fart. from the one and only Andrew. The deadly fog left eventually and so we start watching the match again.
*Flashback* When a family member is a senior in high school, it is only natural to think of anything embarrassing they might have done in their lifetime. In this case, it was something that was very cute at the time. See, When Savannah was little she used to wrap a blanket around her like a cape, and jump off of any surface she could find yelling "Super Sana!" (she couldn't pronounce her name yet)
It was now that Savannah's team rotated and she was now the server. I HAD to send her some good luck so I yelled "SUPER SANA!!!" and BAM they scored a point. Her serve again, I yelled "SUPER SANA!!!" and again, another point. third serve, "SUPER SANA!" and a third point...Travis sat next to me laughing his ass off.. I explained to Melissa what was going on, and we all chanted it, however there was no point after this one. Something about me chanting it brought some good luck.
Not too long after, another high pressure system pushed through the air, and Andrew sat with another guilty face...
When we were younger, it was me, allison, andrew and a baby savannah on a 5 hour car ride up to Houlton Maine. Thanksgiving and Christmas time with our grandparents, aunts uncles and cousins. On these car rides we had a few rhymes for whenever one of us "tooted" (because fart was an "inappropriate word) "Cruisin down the highway goin' 67. Andrew ripped a big one that blew us up to heaven!"
These were great.
"Rollin' down the highway goin' 64. Allison ripped a big one that blew us out the door!"
Between playing Mad Libs, and Jimmy Buffet kareoke, we were a stinkin hoot.
Back to the modern day stinkers though this next rip was like a skunk crawled in his pants, smoked a bowl of pot, ate some beans, ate some taco bell, puked it out and died. I had never witnessed a miracle until that night when the whole gymnasium survived the Fart Storm of '13. With some excitement going on in our section, I couldn't hear the whole conversation between Andrew and Melissa, but thankfully I heard this line:
"Your spewing toxic waste from your asshole and I'M the one making a scene?" -Melissa.
Savannah's team won the game, and we all went home an sanitized.
On the topic of farts, Travis, myself, Savannah, Travis's GF Catrina, Cameron and Chandler were sitting around having dinner. Travis felt and urge, and promted Cameron to pull his finger and as the classic joke goes, let out a poot. Cameron, (like father, like son) put his finger out, Travis pulled and then I saw Cam's eyes get as wide as they have ever been as he jumped off the stool and ran down the hall yelling "THAT'S NOT A FART, THAT'S NOT A FART!" and the bathroom door shut and all was taken care of.
I told mom the story a couple days later and we laughed and then Chandler, with a grin on his face said "That's my boy!"
It's been a busy couple weeks with Halloween and the World Series. I hate the Red Sox, like...a lot..but the Cardinals knocked out my second choice of the Dodgers so I wasn't rooting for either team, but not rooting against either team as I just have a passion for the sport and will watch the world seires no matter what. I'm living in a house of red sox fans though....Dad and I had a beer and nachos with every world series game and took turns making fun of Tim mcCarver and Joe Buck. Dad says he doesn't mind Joe buck. but he kinda looks like he see the same plastic surgeon as Bruce Jenner if you know what I mean. In a cheesy way, it was the best world series I've ever watched. These are my favorite memories with my dad, and even if it was his team and not mine, and was pretty cool to bond over the plays, the homeruns and the history of the game. Game 6, I rushed home from work to catch the rest of the game. Dad got me a beer and he was on his laptop. Now as he might work with computers day in and day out, Facebook is and always will be his Achilles heel. He will go on once in awhile. He posted a status after the red sox 6-0 lead saying:
Which is where this stemmed from...
And then as if that wasn't enough...
Dad wanted to change his profile picture, so he asked for my help. His laptop started freezing so I told him to log in on my computer. He was using a wireless mouse on his computer, you know the ones where you plug the stick into the USB? well he was I think a half beer too deep or too excited about the game when he got frustrated because he thought the mouse stopped working....no dad it's plugged into YOUR computer.. he threw his hands up like 'I give up' and we eventually got his profile picture to what he wanted...
We even agreed on something about baseball for once in that Jim Joyce got that obstruction call right. I love post season drama like that. Although I was ok with Boston winning for my dad's sake, I'm back to that Yankee pride and hating those dirty beards with all my heart.
And now all the Halloween fun! My mom gets ALL the credit for my costume as I was at school all day.
And as I posted last night but here it is again...
I hope this blog gets us all caught up, and I will be back on track Sunday November 10th.
As always please support my sister Allison in her SEVA Amazon efforts the links will always be here on my blog even a small donation helps.
